It was never my intention to stop blogging, but life got in the way with twists and turns I didn’t know existed. From major Strep throat in the spring, to a busy summer of work along with the worst reaction to medication ever in my life to the virus from Hell, I am ready for this year to be over.
Suffice it to say I have had literally the worst sickness of my life. After 2 doctor visits and many tests run the diagnosis was a virus. Don’t let anyone fool you into believing a “virus” is something simple to get over. I have been in the bed for 6 weeks and still in and out of it, but getting there. Top this all off with a kitten we adopted that in the first 6 months of his life has torn the house up!
One main reason for not blogging is the virus has made me so dizzy at times I can hardly stand up much less do anything else. As time has gone by, that is diminishing and I am so thankful to God for his healing.
The good news was all my tests were normal. Unfortunately, there is no medication for a virus or a quick fix. If there had been I would have been all over it. Believe me when I say I have never felt this bad in my entire life. To be writing this right now, is a major plus to say the least. As Joyce Meyer says, “I am not at all where I want to be, but I am not where I was.” That is my theme.
On the other side of this miserable coin is the love of God. The fact my tests were normal is a miracle considering I thought they would hospitalize me to start with. Forget driving, feeding myself or doing anything worthwhile; I have done nothing but rest. Doctors’ orders.
However, while resting my new GalazyS6 phone came in handy more than I can say. Not only is a copy/paste app the greatest comfort while one lies in bed but God’s words splashed all over it is truly the only way I got through this. I was too sick to read from my Bible which I love to do but my phone became a positive substitute.
Hours of laying alone I have quoted healing scriptures over and over until I would fall asleep. Days and weeks of crying when I didn’t have the strength to cry God’s word gave me hope and peace. Minute by minute I discovered the power in God’s word simply by meditating on it. The more I soaked myself in God’s word even in a state of total lethargy, the words proved themselves to be true and work.
A simple few steps from my bed to the toilet I would pray myself there.
The energy to get to the kitchen for a few bites of food of which I lost my appetite completely God’s word gave me the strength to live off of bananas, toast and applesauce. I am small but lost 5 pounds the first 3 weeks I was sick. I can’t afford to lose weight.
Moments of sheer misery when the dizziness and nausea would come in like a flood, God’s word was all I thought about. God get me through this. God get me through this.
I just read Jennifer LeClaire’s article from Charisma magazine about the very issues of being in “hell” while others around you are complacent and misunderstanding of your pain. Of course she brought our dear brother “Job” into the picture who is a prime example of one who is attacked and beaten not only by Satan himself but those closest to him.
I am in no way subjecting my husband or daughter into this rigid scene of battle because God supplied them both for me during this time when I needed them the most. They have been my lifeline besides God. But even in their case, correctly diagnosing my distress for so long has been difficult for them. There is really much to be said about “walking in someone else’s shoes.”
From God’s perspective, I believe his permissive will in allowing me to go through so many years of hardships has been to teach me compassion, empathy and love for those who are hurting. These last 6 weeks have opened my eyes to understand those in nursing homes, hospitals and sick in bed for long periods of time how they feel and the loss they experience. I can honestly say I know it for myself now.
If I hadn’t known for absolutely sure God wasn’t ready to take me, I would have been begging him to do so, but He has other plans. Even my dear friend in Christ, Larry Nevenhoven prophesied this to me which has given me much hope to move forward. He also reminded me God’s grace is sufficient to get me through this. Well, I had to find out what that meant. And I did. Maybe not exactly what I wanted to hear while in a dungeon of despair and lifelessness, but evidently God did.
One would never imagine the call of healing yet, the one who is sick knows better than those well, what health is. God’s supernatural grace and power is the only reason for it all.
As I feel I am moving into a state of recovery I must admit during these last 6 weeks all I knew was God. Whether it be from desperation, misery or a pit of depression even in my weakest moments I was crying out to God.
I truly know now what it means when you have nothing else but God, God is all I need.
And it doesn’t hurt to have a phone that lets you play scrabble in between God’s words.