First let me say my heart hurts over the loss of John Paul Jackson. Even as the Lord was placing on my heart to pray for him, I did not see this coming. God is passing on his mantle now.
I haven’t been around a while. Suffice it to say that while in my doctor’s office Monday, I told her “if I didn’t know for sure God was ready to take me, I would have begged him to.”
These last 2 months I have been sicker than ever before in my life. While the physical body I carry around was suffering to the point of becoming totally immobile, the devil decided to attack me with an overwhelming fear and anxiety. He is a coward and kicks us when we are at the bottom of the pit. However, he has lost.
I am recovering, thankfully to God and his great mercy, grace and his gifts of healing. I have had visions that by June I will be swimming. Hopefully this is the Holy Spirit, not my wishful thinking. But of course that will also be determined by getting our area out of this highly unusual deep freeze.
God has shown me what it feels to be completely homebound, unable to do much of anything for myself. I thank him for my husband who has been my cheerleader and errand boy. He is going through the part of our vows “through sickness.”
The list of lessons and truths I have learned through this last year are long. My doctor and I were discussing the “loss of control” that none of us want. Well, I know some of what that is like. God has allowed me to get to a place where completely trusting him was the best place to be and to stay there. We simply cannot move and have our being without him.
While in the midst of such terrible circumstances the pity parties were on my agenda. That began with the attack of fear which I will go into on another post. It is too important not to write about. God pulled me through and out of it in record time considering past experiences.
Truly humbled by God’s awesome power, he has embedded in my spirit the unlimited everything that he is. I am more convinced than ever this literal place called “heaven” is much more than we can imagine.
As I wrote previously; as difficult as this last year has been I have felt the presence of God’s hand and compassion walking ahead of me. His lap has been my chair; his arms have been my warmth. The fear I have felt has turned to peace. His words have been my comfort and joy and his love has pronounced itself as a trumpet blowing loudly “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”
He has surrounded me. It’s all in the relationship.