Life just isn’t what it seems; most of the time. We think we understand the motives or reasons for the behaviors of others, but often that isn’t the case at all.
Thoughts drop in our loaded minds or the “jumping to conclusions” appears as if to fault ourselves for what we don’t really know. Initially, the hurt, pain or unresponsive response we receive may or may not be what we thought it was. Very possibly much of the time what we thought it was, wasn’t.
Efforts to reason, analyze or figure out why, where or when we missed it becomes a reality that can last for years. Maybe that’s a good time to ask God about it. Or before.
Deception being one of the enemies’ countless assaults we fall for it over and over. Later we discover the lie but it wasn’t intended to be a lie.
The depths that some people will go to withhold or suppress their inner pain/secrets/feelings continues to astonish me. Giving them the benefit of the doubt, usually their intentions are good.
The noble armor one wears is a twofold objective.
Self-preservation: The notion one believes burying an immense trauma, fear, dread, or emotional distress over an uncontrollable circumstance is the only answer to overcoming it.
Either way you are suffering from inward disharmony. Neither is positive but will be pursued no matter what.
Self-preservation is accomplished by ignoring it, delaying the inevitable or not understanding that “denial” is not a river in Egypt. Acting as if it never happened or won’t in the future is like wrapping it in a carbon fiber wrap, placing it in a “fire box” and throwing away the key.
Overprotective Guardianship keeps the secret from those cared about for their benefit. The idea is “it would only upset them if they knew.” Exposure to others might lead to arguments pressuring the one hiding the trauma to face and deal with it, therefore it is better off never being discussed.
The outcome of truth can only be decided between God and the one living this conflict. However, if someone else discovers their secret a no holds barred attack may arise. After all, the point of no one ever finding out is the motive to begin with.
From my perspective having observed such pain in a number of people during my lifetime my conclusion is this.
Whatever the trauma, bearing witness to it is virtually impossible. In some instances the burial is so deep the reasons for the original seclusion has been forgotten; but not the emotional and mental abuse of exposure. Simply put, it is too much to bear.
Results of inward disharmony will eventually appear affecting the individual and those closest to them in a vast array of negative but often subtle actions or mannerisms. Over time a cover up set in place becomes normal.
But what it does to other people is or can be devastating. Confusion, misinterpretation, clarity and disorder escape unintentionally and they don’t recognize it due to blocking it out. A trickle here or a drip there but eventually damage is done to everyone involved.
More than any adverse reactions is the lack of being able to communicate with God. How can a secret one holds dear as a crutch for life be discussed with the Creator of the Universe? He knows everything so it isn’t like he hasn’t seen the grave. Sadly, no real and personal relationship can be established with God, therefore there is nothing to give to others in the same respect.
As one who is an open book with Jesus, I have confessed and openly cried my heart out over many mistakes, bad choices and dreams that await in my future. If I have left anything out, I can’t imagine what it would be. He is used to me bending his ear.
When we don’t completely open up to God on a regular basis about every area of our life, we not only grieve the Holy Spirit, we usher in baggage that is never unpacked. Eventually that baggage becomes old, smelly and falls apart. It is no different with the soul who harbors intense confidences; at some point they will show up.
Jesus will walk ahead of anyone who is willing to follow. He is the only answer to unloading baggage whether it is the one holding the secret or those it has affected. Take time to speak to him and listen. Read his word daily and pray.
He yearns for companionship with the hurting so he can lead them to safety, healing and harmony.