It is rare these days when I get down or sad. I say that out of total admission that it wasn’t my idea or choice to get it knocked out of me. Years of hard lessons I didn’t ask for or have had no control over strengthened my faith, gave me a new outlook on life and taught me what I most likely would never have learned otherwise.
This is not to say it has been enjoyable or easy.
Quite the contrary.
At times, I felt beat to a pulp.
When you’re down and out, getting up seems impossible. Getting kicked while you are down can be as bad as the illness itself, if not worse.
Those darkened days, weeks, months and years bore holes in my heart and soul.
I have never been in a jailed prison cell per se, but have spent prolonged periods of time in solitary confinement. Some jail cells are prisons we end up in someone else built. But, it was through those enclosed spaces of internment I learned how to be alone.
On the other side of loneliness is there is nothing worse than being alone with someone who is supposed to love you.
And that is when I was broken of ever being alone, sad and down again.
God wants to get us to the place we can be alone without being lonely or feel left out because everyone else is wherever we can’t be.
In the depths of illness I yearned for one day to feel good. Just one. Thoughts of what I was missing or unable to do never crossed my mind.
Crying out to God more times than I can count became my lifeline. Physical impairment or the inability to explain to others how bad I felt was underrated especially when it wasn’t so noticeable.
During days, months and years of ill-health I learned how insensitive people can be. Observing others who were tangibly debilitated who had been ridiculed or mocked for a deficiency out of their control has always grieved me. But I had no idea how much it hurt until I became the one who was ailing.
I guess it was too much to expect help from anyone while I was a single parent, working and practically on death’s door. Instead the expectations were piled on me as if no one noticed this bone-thinned 90 pound, anemic frame.
“Why are you sick so much? What is wrong with you?”
Or all of a sudden many became instant doctors to tell me what to do about it.
Then it would be, “You are too thin. Why don’t you gain some weight?”
WELL MAYBE IF YOU WOULD HELP ME OUT I COULD!
I do not write this for sympathy or a “Get Well Card.” Actually, I am finally beginning to feel as if I am on the mends from Chronic Allergy/Sinus infections but it has been a long, hard road.
I write this to bring awareness to those who are sick, whether it be physical, mental or from an injury.
God gifted me with Mercy and compassion. I have tried to use it for the benefit of others when it was appropriate. But experiencing it myself has given me a deeper perception for the feelings of others who are sick.
Proverbs 18: 12 “Life and death are in the power of the tongue. Those who love it will eat its fruit.”
We should be loving and compassionate. Encouraging. Merciful. Empathetic. Understanding. Caring. Helpful. Hopeful.
Remind the sick how much God loves them and how he wants them healthy. (3 John 2) Pray for their healing and watch what God does.
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