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Christianity 0ut of the Box

Fatal Flaws of Self Loathing


In the scope of argument, fatal flaws surface as expectations reach the point of ridiculous.
One party believes whole heartedly their lack should be picked up by someone else and then treated as a joke.

Not funny.

The fool is kept in a secret box of their own making. Rationalizing the point they have made in an all out effort of self-appointed narcissism.

“I will not admit I was wrong.”  Fine, then live with the consequences.

Case in point:

Where is the hot sauce?”

“In the refrigerator where it is supposed to be.”

I don’t see it.”

“Of course you don’t. You never look.”

No, I always put it in a place where I can find it.”

“And I am supposed to know where that is?”


“Do you know how stupid that sounds?”

“OK. Sure. Whatever. Whatever you say.”

The jeering and ridicule of the low self esteemed. Open the refrigerator door and find the hot sauce yourself.

The pity party is overdone, used as a crutch, and beaten to a pulp. Low self-esteem is a copout of major proportions being used as a filter for excuses of all varieties.

Some of you may find this unbelievable but years ago I found out I was not crazy.  Ending up on the couch of a Clinical Christian Psychiatrist for extensive Marriage Counseling was one of the best adventures I have ever taken. For 2.5 years I learned the art of argument, the battles to fight and not to fight and how to win.

Married to one who considered himself to be a Master of argumentation found out he wasn’t so good after all. His prideful, low self esteemed pity parties became daily rounds for all he lacked good in the world, all he deserved including a better wife and money from anyone he could pull a good con. Or so he thought. And these were some of his better qualities.

The first 5 minutes on the couch set the stage for an all out war of words from my ex with the Psychiatrist as he deliberately accused me of every possible wrongdoing a wife could do or not do and that he deserved to have an affair.

YEP! You heard that right. He actually told the Psychiatrist in front of me I was such a bad wife he deserved to have an affair. It was worth every penny spent to see the look on the good doctor’s face after that remark.

Needless to say the marriage failed (go figure) and I left with new ammunition and the satisfaction of learning some lifelong lessons.

The art of winning an argument with one who is determined to win at all costs is to simply walk away. Yep. That’s it. This simple prescription the good doctor gave me was Biblically based.

I think it is called “Turn the other cheek?”

He told me one who lives to argue is usually angry and nothing is ever settled in anger. Wrong decisions will be made, feelings will be hurt and words will be uttered that you wish you had never spoken.

Proverbs 17: 14 “Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.”

One who deliberately tears down others for the purpose of building themselves up is a self-centered bully. The “it’s all about me” syndrome takes effect as priority in every area of their life and wreaks havoc on those around them. It is insufferable, unacceptable and can sometimes become abusive to those closest to them.

An earmark of their territory becomes the host for one lie after another, picking fights over nothing and an aim for pity.

Sorry. Woe is not you.

Rejection, betrayal, and deep seeded pain that have never been dealt with are culprits to this unimaginable misery for those of us who have to put up with it.  I am not being harsh here.

As Christians, we are not supposed to use such ends for a means to subjugate our preferences to cry over spilled milk.  Or invite everyone else to our self-imposed clemency.

Besides being Christians, as adults how do you think God feels about this?

Does anyone have the right to live a lack of maturity on a sleeve of contempt or a “chip” on their shoulder because they claim low self-esteem?  I don’t think these are qualities God dishes out.

If you don’t feel good about yourselves, do something about it. Understand the grace and mercy of God extends beyond whoever has rejected you or given you reason to continue such a dilemma. Go get help.  When you accept the love of God completely, any accusations, feelings of low self- esteem or dismissal will work in your favor.  God will vehemently give you his mercy and grace to give to those who are lashing out at you. God will allow you to view them as he sees them; with a heart of genuine cross filled redemption and forgiveness.

Once done, the door flies open to guide them out of this trick of the enemy leaving no excuse for anything.

Proving one is always right tends to reveal the relationship involved is less important than saving one’s pride. Is it worth it?

Many wear a seed of deceptive self loathing as a proud mark of behavior.

Maybe you should video yourself. You might think otherwise.





Copyright @ 2012 All Rights Reserved


12 thoughts on “Fatal Flaws of Self Loathing

  1. One of my biggest revelations came from reading the life story of John Lake, the man who had a great healing ministry. He understood that he was royalty, the son of a great King. He lived his life with this viewpoint in mind.

    Who, as a believer, can have low self-esteem with this revelation? Not me.

  2. I thank God that people like you are willing to speak the truth in love, as we are told to do. This is a very poignant but true post! I pray many will read it, look at themselves and search the Word and their heart in the Holy Spirit.
    I am in complete agreement, that as children of the Most High God through our salvation in Jesus Christ, there is no place for low-esteem. That is the flesh, the world and the enemy trying to rob us of the “joy” given to us by the Father.
    Many blessings!
    Stephanie ~streim~

    • Thank you Stephanie, yes as Christians we must get off of our high horses of self understanding the repercussions are endless if we don’t. I must admit my frustration over so many people I know who live this way. I keep praying for them that they will allow the Holy Spirit to open their eyes and maybe show them the video of their actions!

      Cathy Craig Neil, PMIC/Guardian Property Management, LLC 803-840-1946 blog: http://www.craigmotor.wordpress.com author/columnist: http://www.believers.bay.com

  3. i so loved this. what valuable information you have pointed out. thank you

  4. Hi Cathy, it is sad, when we see how the bitterness and resentment that your first husband felt towards you was just like he was mixing poison for you to drink and drinking it himself, this is why God tells us as you can see in the Scripture below that we are to Love and forgive those who hurt us not just once but forever. Of course thy can’t accept our forgiveness unless they ask for it the same as God with us but at least we have not let anger cause the Devil to have a foothold in our lives.

    Matthew 5:43-45 Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy. But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for He maketh His sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.

    Christian Love Anne

    • Anne, yes he was a sad case. Unfortunately there are many out there like him who ride upon the pity of their sleeves believing it is their privilege and right while imposing their hate and envy upon others. It is all so backwards.

      Cathy Craig Neil, PMIC/Guardian Property Management, LLC 803-840-1946 blog: http://www.craigmotor.wordpress.com author/columnist: http://www.believers.bay.com

      • Yes Cathy so True and that is why it is good that you listened to God and forgave your husband and others and continued to Love them in The Spirit, instead of holding on to bitterness and resentment, which only hurts and damages our spirits as you know.

        Christian Love Anne

  5. This society thinks a person is weak if they turn the other cheek, but it actually takes more strength to walk away. Great Post, Cathy. Good decision — you deserved better.
    God Bless you & yours!

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