Our daughter is at the age when her friends are getting married. She has already been in one wedding; the wedding that changed her mind about being in other weddings. The expensive gowns, tuxedos and wedding cake couldn’t keep the couple together.
The “pomp and ceremony” that goes along with most elaborate weddings is not something she finds worthwhile. She would prefer the bride-to-be to choose to get married in jeans on the sand at the beach or better yet to elope. That would relieve her of filling the position of becoming a bridesmaid. However I am sure her friends who plan to marry in the future will not feel the need to get her permission to plan their wedding the way they choose. After all, are weddings about the bridesmaids or the bride?
When you agree to be in someone’s wedding it should be considered an honor. Our daughter views it as a “rite of passage” to a world of the unknown. In our society of fallen marriages she has a point.
However, there are those couples that you know are in it for the long haul. Recently she was in a friend’s wedding that she grew up with. The friend knows our daughter so well she understood her lost allegiance to the courtship of matrimony. In fact she was so happy she showed up to be in the wedding at all! Truly, it showed by the fact that my daughter absolutely did not want to do this how much she cares for her friend. Others who ask her are simply out of a bridesmaid.
Prior to the wedding her absence was noted at the parties she did not attend. Writing invitations with the bride-to-be was not a part of her schedule. Giving her time to help with the pre-wedding festivities was not on her to-do list.
Procrastination is her preference in many areas including getting her dress and buying her shoes days before the wedding. The dress was too tight in certain areas. Finding shoes to fit was difficult because of her shoe size. Of course the cost of the frock and footwear gave room for complaint not to mention the gas prices getting to and from the wedding activities.
The hairdresser styled her hair so she looked like “Goldilocks.” The groomsmen were more fun to hang out with than the sentimental bridesmaids who “ooooohed and ahhhhhdddd” over every intricate detail of this long awaited ceremony.
Worst of all, the bride to be bought herself a gift telling our daughter it was from her because she did not trust her to get what she wanted. The extremely hot June sun added to her apathy as she walked down the aisle pouring in sweat.
All in all, it was the love for her friend and the agreement she made a year before that brought her to this degree of loyalty. Repeating the performance for others may take an act of Congress to get her to do it again.
There is something to be said for the willingness to agree to the requirements involved in accepting the honor of being a bridesmaid in this day and time and society. Don’t get me wrong I am not in any way belittling the sacredness of matrimony or the ornate formality of the wedding itself. What is the desire of one may be the disinclination of another. It does not mean that either is wrong, just different.
This is how God made us. The differences can be good if we use them to benefit each other especially when it requires sacrifice. In this case the bride knew exactly what she wanted from beginning to end and set it all into motion. On the other hand is our daughter who looks at life with a free spirit of creativity and yet their friendship has lasted for years.
Many of you may be wondering how a mother can write about her daughter this way. Actually it was her idea. Much of what I have written represents thoughts she had about herself. She wanted me to print it.
Laughingly she realized her shortcomings for the prerequisite of a bridesmaid. I admire her for admitting the truth about herself. Some are called to be a bridesmaid and some are not. In her case she would rather someone else does it.
Then there is the bride who is her childhood friend. She has the patience of Job and took it all in stride. She made it clear to me that our daughter was a great bridesmaid and loved having her in her wedding. Others that were supposed to be helping the bride forgot to pack some of her most needed possessions! Most of all she has the great character quality of accepting people as they are. For our daughter that is a blessing and she knows it.
In conclusion, I would like to say how much I praise these two young women. Down through the years they have allowed their differences to support each other. I have observed quietly as they have grown up, their efforts no matter where they are geographically to be there for each other in time of need. The lighthearted camaraderie between them is contagious. Their friendship is so secure they pick up right where they left off each time they communicate. Time has no boundaries.
If we will allow God to pick our friends he will give us the best.
I have no doubt their friendship was made in Heaven.